I tried Nottingham’s Cleaver & Wake experience to see what fine dining is all about

When it comes to food, I’m fairly easy to please as long as it has one of the four major food groups: carbs, cheese, wine and ice cream. I do enjoy a nice dinner but so far my favourite spots have been in line with whatever is open and close to the newsroom. That said, there has always been a part of me that thinks....what if?

I’ve always wondered what the appeal of fancy cooking is or what it would be like to try cooking from some of the city’s best chefs. Michelin stars are given for a reason but I’ve never experienced anything remotely close. I have always followed these thoughts with a slice of dirty pizza in whatever street food pop-up I’m in. So it was with great excitement and panic that I booked myself into Cleaver & Wake for purely journalistic reasons.

Cleaver & Wake opened in 2022 and it is described as ‘a modern elevated, fine dining’ led by Chef Laurence Henry, the winner of MasterChef: The Professionals in 2018.

The hours before the meal I started to panic. As it turns out, I have no idea what people wear to these things nor do I have a nice suit. I’m a 6ft tall person sporting green hair covered in tattoos with a nose piercing. I’m not exactly subtle when it comes to ‘blending in’ at nice restaurants.

As I arrive, my fears are completely unfounded as far from being horrified by me, I’m welcomed and taken to a seat in the adjoining bar with my plus one and as if by magic, the understanding bartender takes one look at me and produces a glass of cold champagne. I don’t know how he looked into my soul and realised my very being needed a drink but somehow, he did.

We start with a basket of bread which has been heated to the ‘comforting hug’ levels where it's just enough to let the miso butter melt into it. If I had just been served the bread alone all evening, I would have gone home happy.

In choosing a starter, I decided to go hard or go home and ordered the spiced Cornish crab which is absolutely the best I’ve ever had. Presentation-wise, it looked almost too good to eat covered with purple flowers and berries. Note I said, almost though as I ploughed through it.

I have had crab before and this is the best I’ve ever tasted as it had a very delicate flavour not overpowered by the berries. I did give in and mopped up some of the sauce with my bread because I will never miss an opportunity to do that no matter how fancy a place I’m in.

My plus-one ordered the beef fillet tataki of which we did a discreet Google to see what a tataki was. Turns out, it's a Japanese method of preparing beef - you’re welcome. In his words, it was beautifully presented and the meat was perfectly cooked. It again looked almost too good to go with edible plant garnishes popped on top. But yes, we polished that off too in record time.

When it came to the mains, the team were incredibly knowledgeable about the food they serve. With enthusiasm, they were able to recommend what dish we should try and what it was that we were eating. As someone who can barely recall what they ate five minutes ago, I was amazed by their ability to place the dishes and recall every ingredient that went into it.

Service was flawless and I hold them fully responsible for the slight Pinot-induced fuzzy head I have in the newsroom today as they were experts at spotting an empty glass or a low water bottle. At one stage, going to visit the bathroom, I came back to my cloth napkin folded neatly on my space instead of crumpled on my seat where I had left it. No detail or napkin left unfolded.

My main was a hard call between seabass and the pot roast kohlrabi but I decided to forgo the fish at the last minute. I’m glad I did as the vegetarian option was an intensely flavourful experience that somehow managed to be light yet filling at the same time. The dish had a mix of summer beans, courgette, nasturtium pistou and vegetable nage. So many flavours, so little time and so many of them are new to me.

My plus one, who knows more about food than I do, decided to order lamb as it's a notoriously difficult dish. It's difficult to cook in a short space of time and get it right so a good test for restaurants. He was impressed as the fermented asparagus was a new one to us but, while expecting it to be stronger, it was subtle and refreshing setting off the beautifully cooked lamb to perfection.

Dessert is never something I’m too fussed about but I do have a wild interest in all things cheese. Cheeseboards can be a bit, meh, in places because a lot of restaurants are afraid to go for them. What you get is a bland collection of brie, cheddars and various goat options that are nice but not impactful. I love a strong cheese so when I heard the words ‘blue murder,’ I knew we were in for a treat.

Put mildly, this is not a cheese for the faint of heart because it's strong and it stinks but my god is it good. The selection of cheeses was accompanied by more of the warm hug bread again. Once again, I mopped up the quince jelly with the bread like the animal I am and felt not one single regret.

In the end, I’ve often wondered if places like this, Michelin Stars or fine dining are everything it is cracked up to be. I have to admit, I’ve come away really understanding why people go to places like Cleaver & Wake. It felt amazing to be spoiled, and treated and I genuinely came away feeling like I get it now. So at the risk of this sounding like a threat, I’ll be back.

Watch this space