Nottingham attacks: there are no words for what the city is going through

There are no words for what our city went through yesterday so its hard to know what to write. It’s impossible to process that three people are dead and the city is in mourning today.

I’ve woken up, as most of us have, to a phone full of messages asking, ‘are you okay’ from friends stationed across the city including the streets where the attacks took place. The answer is, collectively, as a city, we aren’t okay. The atmosphere feels heavy, saddened and there is a dark cloud over us.

I’ve been a journalist for over 15 years now but this is one of the hardest ones I’ve had to report on. Nottingham is my home away from home and it has always felt safe for me. While I have reported on news of attacks in other cities or horrible events across the UK and Ireland, I’ve always come home to my street feeling safe.

This is what has made it feel so much harder to process given the random nature of the attacks. All of us, feel for the loss and pain the families must be going through this morning. There are no words for it at all.

The morning felt like any other in a newsroom in that I grabbed a coffee at the usual 7am and checked the updates. Immediately, the words ‘roads closed’ and ‘major incident’ meant that it was straight out into the city. I ran out so fast I forgot my press ID. We had no idea at that morning what had happened - was it bombs? drugs? gangs?

It wasn’t until a reporter spoke to a witness that we realised, it was multiple fatalities in different locations. I have reported fatalities before but saying the words into a live recording felt different - how is this happening in Nottingham?

Throughout the day, the eerie silence of the scene was broken only by reporters going live and the buzzing of updates from emergency services. I’ve never felt an atmosphere like it, not here, not in my city.

Sadly, around 4pm last night, the dead were named and confirmed as students at Nottingham University. St. James Church was quickly designated as a place where shocked students, grieving friends and loved ones could go to be together and make sense of everything.

Many of the students, visibly upset and emotional lay flowers at the altar and lit candles as messages of support came in from Nottingham, other cities, universities and abroad. We were truly at the centre of the national spotlight yesterday.

Moving through the city, it felt jarring to walk the streets we do everyday to see armed police with guns the length of their bodies standing at different stations. Even as you moved away from Upper Parliament street into the food and drink quarter of Hockley, there were armed guards standing chatting with undercover police.

Speaking with other journalists and photographers yesterday evening, we all felt shellshocked. Many of us checked in with each other, hoping to not just to make sure we were each okay but to find someone who had also been through it. I know within my own training, many years ago, as a young journalist, the issue of trauma around reporting was not raised.

I know many of my excellent colleagues based at this and other publications have reported on death daily but have managed to remain professional and bring the best possible reporting. This, can often come at a price of our own mental health because after a while, you can’t unsee the images or get the witness voices out of your head. Our local press did us proud as a city yesterday.

I would also like to mention the emergency services who kept the city flowing despite the circumstances. Bus and tram drivers who did their best to keep us moving and adapted so quickly to updates. Not only that, but those who offered support and services to those mourning and frightened.

Today, collectively, we are coming to terms with this. We don’t know so much about what is a constantly breaking news story. We, the local journalists, bringing you the news today and yesterday, are doing so while we feel the same way you do. Please take care of yourselves, mind each other, practice kindness and reach out if you need to as there are many services avilable. We have lots to work out and figure out, but for today, we need to regroup and process because there really, truly are no words.